Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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