If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
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