so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
