one two three fourrrrnication!
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
