Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
