Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
