Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Randomize
