She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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