these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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