We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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