You smell like stripper and shame
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
