Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
