i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
