its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
