I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
