take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Randomize
