We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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