U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize
