i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
