I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize