there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
