I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
