Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
