You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
