He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
