I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
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