We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
so let's talk penis.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
