I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
