"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
