This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
