I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Randomize
