you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I wear drunk well.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
