Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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