is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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