I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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