If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
