Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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