You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize