I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
