i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
