can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Randomize
