I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
