I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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