Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Randomize
