ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Randomize
