They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
