Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I want to make a zoo with you.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
