I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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