this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
