forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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