i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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