Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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