Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
be right there i have to get my cape
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
