get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
