found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
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