he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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