What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
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