I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
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