Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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