Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
