oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Every concussion has its silver lining
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
