My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I will pee on everything he values.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
