He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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