My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
