Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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