just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
