you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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