He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
