New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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