that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize