so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
