You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
