i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
