she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
You need Xanax blowdarts
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
