my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Randomize
