final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
