One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
