I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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