Can Purell be used as lube?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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