Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I want her autograph on my taint
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
