so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize