Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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