soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Randomize
