you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
