Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
