yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
