would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
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