I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
