he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
