i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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