i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
