So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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