you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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