dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
