I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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