is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
