That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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