you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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