She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
