Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
