Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
