we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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