What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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