just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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