I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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