Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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