We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
