why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
