As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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