If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
You are the jesus of drinking
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Randomize
